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Dumpsters Part Troix FC |
6-6 |
Waitrose Wanderers |
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Alex 'Spal' Sutton 2 |
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Dan
'The Length' Clifton |
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Tim 'Anal Bead' Preston |
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Richard 'Fraggle' Cragg |
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Felix 'Pussy' Baker |
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What can you say about this game other than controversy…No referee equals goals disallowed, fouls galore, namely by me, whinging, namely by me, and the end result being a 6-5 defeat for the Dumpsters, or was it? After re-assessing who scored goals during the game it was worked out that infact 6 goals were scored and the final score should be 6-6. After emailing Pitch invasion, the Dumpsters have been awarded their first points in the most controversial way, but this point may be vital at the end of the season. There's almost certain to be a backlash from the Waitrose Wanderers next week, we may have to encounter a game of 'Supermarket Sweep' to resolve the score.
With Alistair 'UTT' Taylor missing and Dan 'Psycho' Sykes in Jail after instigating a pitch invasion at Elland Road, we were left with 7 players this week. However, team rebels Anal Bead Ferret and Felix 'Pussy' Baker were nowhere to be seen as they had been at the start of The Gumball Rally getting drunk (much to the managers disappointment). Alex 'Spal' Sutton was looking worried and had 999 on speed dial! Everyone made it on time however, with Allergies, School Night, Fraggle, Spal and Length making their way on the bus to the ground, and the rebels making a quick dash via a Taxi - or should that be a TAXI FOR THEM!
On arrival the rebels looked unstable, couldn’t walk in a straight line and were banished to the subs bench, especially as they missed my inspiring match talk on the bus. (much to the managers disappointment)
First Half
With the diamond formation in place, the Dumpsters started slowly and once again found themselves 1-0 down, but we were soon level with a true poachers goal from Alex 'Spal' Sutton which gave the team a lift. However this didn’t last for very long as the Dumpsters found themselves 2-1 behind, then 3-1 behind, then 4-1 behind, and if it wasn’t for John in goal it could have been more. Although we were losing we seemed to be playing much better and playing as a team. It showed when Richard 'Fraggle Akinbiyi/Horsfield' Cragg scored a wonder goal from the corner flag - the joy in his face was like he had got engaged for the first time all over again, with a punch and a leap in the air….That therefore meant at half time we were losing 4-2.
Second Half
What a display from the Dumpsters in the second half! We showed grit, determination, power, pace and we were actually communicating. With the Dumpsters applying more and more pressure, Anal Ferret found the net and then yes, you called it, Dell 'Length' Clifton got his driver mechanism on his schlong out and blew a hole in the net - if the keeper had got in the way he might have been in A&E. We were pressing more and more but unfortunately a lapse of concentration made it 5-4, Waitrose Wanderers netting past a superb fraggle in net. This is where the controversy started, when Felix 'Pussy' Baker hit an absolute rasper from the right hand side and the opposition's mate (who wasn’t refing but keeping the time!!!!!) disallowed the goal, to the disbelief of Pussy. Felix Pussy Baker looked like someone who'd had his presents pissed all over on Christmas Day. The whole team felt undermined by this decision and this is where Martin 'Allergies' Dibble starting losing his rag with Fabregas and the rest of the oppossing team with some late, but ball-winning challenges and some foul and abusive language. The Dumpsters were not happy and believed the goal stood, although the opposition didn’t! Alex 'Spal' Sutton then made it 6-5 with his trade mark poachers goal or 5-5 in the opposition's mind. Allergies was still not happy and seeing red mist became joined in a 3 way hug with Fabregas and Anal Ferret, causing more friction with the sulking opposition. Then the moment came when Dell 'Length Got No Bottle' Clifton was one-on-one with the keeper, only to bottle it and miss. The Dumpsters could have had 3 POINTS Length!! In our minds we were 6-5 up and were pegged back to 6-6 at Full Time.
Managers Review
"I thought we showed great commitment out there today and we worked as a team, which shows great signs for games to come. We may be fearing a backlash next week but one of the aims before the game was for the opposition not to like us and in this game most definitely managed to make that case"
To The Pub
The new plan of catching a bus, in order that I could drink, meant that the bus dropped us off outside Dixie's where our dreams came true. £2 a Stella, burger & chips for a bargain bucket £6! Except for John 'School Night' Dunn who ordered a chicken burger!! Those chilli and cheeseburgers were good School Night! Man of the Match was awarded to Dell 'Length Got No Bottle' Clifton and Martin 'Allergies' Dibble, whilst Dick of the Day was voted for on the bus on the way to the game, and went to the two rebels that were Felix 'Pussy Baker' and Tim 'Anal Beed Ferret' Preston. After having a few more Stellas, Pussy came out of his shell and told his team mates that from time to time he likes a Good Butt Plug. With the team looking worried he then went further and said he actually likes a good butt plug in the morning before work...There may be a sponsorship deal there for you Pussy!
Whose available for next weeks show down? And I'm not talking about Digital Rinse - the Wanderers will be fuming…
MD
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