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Dumpsters Part
Troix FC |
6-12 |
Digital Rinse |
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Alex 'Spal' Sutton 2 |
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Dan
'The Length' Clifton 2 |
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Felix
'Pussy' Baker |
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Martin 'Allergies' Dibble |
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This game was quite
literally a game of two halves, as Andy Gray would say. Once again the
preparation before the game was superb with the entire team feeling as
rough as Spal's taste in women after going out and getting burgered the
night before. The only exception was Alistair 'UTT' Taylor, who was
unfortunately missing this weekend due to have to return a table back to
his dad's house in Wakefield! Another cracking excuse from UTT! Also
missing was Anal Bead Ferret, who was away with the rest of his family
of ferrets down in Devon.
On the Brightside the Dumpsters were able to unveil their new
strip for the first time with team members Spal, Allergies, The Length,
Fraggle, School Night, Psycho Dan and Pussy making their usual way to
the ground via the number 37 bus. The trip was accompanied by strange
looks and the occasional heckle from the general public, mainly aimed
towards Pussy Baker notably a little kid who shouted "pusssssssssssssssssyyyy"
from the back of a passing car. Pussy by name Pussy by nature as all
Pussy did all the way there was moan, as he was scared that Waitrose
Wanderers would beat us up. Felix Pussy Baker has been so scared he has
resorted to the bottle and seems to have a new found love for strongbow.
Team members have become increasingly concerned by Pussy antics, such as
waking up gagging for beer and having glasses of Rose for breakfast!!.
Anyway we were liking the new look and were hoping for big things with
our first win...Ummm...To the game.
First Half
7 of us, 4 of them I was thinking Pimps o'clock. This was
correct as the dumpsters took the lead with Spal poaching yet another
goal. It got even better for the Dumpsters as we made it 2-0 thanks to
Dan 'Psycho' Sykes. Dell 'Length' Clifton then made it 3-0 where he
managed to coil his schlong around enough so that the ball would bounce
off his knee and dribble over the line. Then the goal of the day from
Martin 'Allergies' Dibble, with a blasting 40 yard strike that had the
goalkeeper in all sorts of trouble. I could hear Andy Gray saying "take
a bow son". We were cruising at 4-0 and 3 points were surely in the bag.
Or were they??? Enter the opponents 5th player. With a few tricky skills
and some cruising 'Monte Carlo' style defending by the Dumpsters,
Digital Rinse bagged 2 goals in quick succession. Dell 'Length' Clifton
restored the lead with one of his trade mark thunderbolt strikes, but
unfortunately we conceded again with the opponents new player completing
his hat trick. I was pretty happy with our first half and the team talk
revolved around making sure that this new kiddy was kicked and everyone
tracked back all the time.
Second Half
Just before the second half was due to kick off a few
further changes in the Digital Rinse side were made. Enter the Watford
boys. If I could say we were always in the game it would be a complete
lie as we were quite honestly outplayed by a boy in sandals!!! Perhaps
it was the boy that heckled Pussy before the game and they were just
lulling us into a false sense of security by turning up late. You
couldn’t even kick this boy - trust me I tried. He was that good, and
before you know it was 5-5. Then the moment that showed it wasn’t going
to be our day when Felix 'Pussy' Baker cost us the lead (lol) and scored
the Dumpsters first own goal of the season, breaking his toe in the
process, to make it 6-5. Another poaching masterclass by Spal managed to
draw it level at 6-6. He might play for Watford and is flipping DG but I
know who I'd rather have, and that’s SPAL.. (Motivational speech only -
clearly drop Spal in a flash for this kid). Anyway, being level lasted
for all of 20 seconds and we found ourselves being mocked with their
players standing on balls, flicking, ronaldo step overs, nutmegs and
everyone of their strikes going in the bottom corner. No chance for
School Night John. Fraggle was saying every time that he's got a player
covered - it was a true reflection of why he's been engaged so many
times as he lost his player every single time. By this time we were just
waiting for the final whistle and boy were we glad when it was finally
blown with the final score being 12-6.
Managers Review
"I thought 3 points were in the bag today but this is the nature of
football, you just can't call it. Some people might be calling for my
name but I tell you what I WOULD LOVE IT if we win next
week.....PLEASE!"
To The Pub
If we are professional at anything, I think we would beat anyone on our
day in the Pub (if only it was a sport). A one-on-one competition
between spal and the little kid would be no competition. We even have
mister endurance in Pussy Baker or should I say Mr Alcoholics Anonamous!!!
Anyway, Man of the Match and Dick of the Day were voted for, with Man of
the Match going to the boy in sandals and Dick of the Day going to Felix
Pussy Baker for scoring Dumpsters first own goal of the campaign,
breaking his toe and being heckled by everyone. The night continued
further with lots of Stella being drunk and players beginning to
stumble. Yes, School Night got his chilli burger this week. With
everyone impressed with our shirts and our obviously brilliant drinking
skills we had to leave Dixie's to get ready for a big night out in
Clapham Grand. Enter Clapham Grand. What a dive, empty, full of chavs
but flipping DG. Absolutely ruined. This also involved gay dance offs
with some random that fraggle found. American Pie-esque. Fraggle was up
first and made a good account of himself but it was the true
professional in Allergies who wiped the floor with this character. With
Spal and School Night getting lucky, no that lucky in Spal's case -
another rotter. I heard her name was Paula. Anyway we may be shit at
Football but we sure are the best at getting RUINED.
MD |
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