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Dumpsters Part Troix FC |
3-2 |
Wolseley Boys |
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Tim
'Ferret' Preston 2 |
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Felix 'Pussy' Baker |
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What a day! Dumpsters have recorded their first legitimate win with a fantastic team performance, coming out winners with a 3-2 victory. Pre-game the Dumpsters were rocked by the unavailability of Dell ‘The Length’ Clifton due to prior engagements in Tenby with the girlfriend - surely we’ve got a UTT2 in the making! Other absentees included Richard ‘Fraggle’ Rock who was fighting for Blackpool in a pansy King Boxing tournament in which he apparently beat girls and one legged man on way to victory.
With UTT making his own way to the game, the motley crew of Allergies, Pussy, School Night, Anal Ferret and SPALLLLLLLL made their way to the game with the normal heckling at PUSSSSSY. Due to SPALLLLL we were late by 10 minutes. To the game.
First Half
Today's game featured a very keen referee, all suited and booted in the appropriate attire checking that we had shin pads, astros and then asking UTT to take his wedding ring off… There something you want to tell us UTT? When was the Wedding? Is this why you moved out? Anyway back to the game. The Dumpsters started well in this encounter with the opposition believing they were going to push us off the ball and out muscle us, but how wrong they were as we more than matched them. Anal Ferret made the early breakthrough with a true run to the death attitude and somehow managed to tickle the goalkeeper’s balls to net the first goal. Talking of balls, Martin ‘Allergies’ Dibble took one right in the plumbs and was in absolute agony whilst crawling of the pitch to let SPAL enter the encounter. (A good sub that). We were however unable to keep the lead for much longer as they won a free kick and hit a belter into the top corner. Went in at half at 1-1 but I believe we had all subbed well.
Second Half
The second half started in similar fashion to the first, with the Dumpsters showing brilliant commitment and passion that has been slowly but surely leaking back into the blood of the mighty members of the Dumpsters. This passion showed when Felix ‘Pussy Baker’ wandered out of his goal to hit a thunderbolt to make it 2-1, becoming the first goalkeeper to score for the Dumpsters. With Allergies and School Night defending like gladiators, UTT and Ferret running and kicking like gazelles, and even SPAL running and tracking back a couple of times, this was simply unbelievable. Felix Pussy Baker made some fine saves and the team subbed WELL, and we then found ourselves taking a 3-1 lead with Anal Beed Ferret latching onto a ball from SPAL. We were holding on from here on in and due to Felix Pussy Baker imitating his brother SPAL we found ourselves concede a second goal through a 40 yard dribble. However we showed enough and were victorious with our first win.
Sacked Managers Review
"I think the catalyst behind this victory is that we as a team SUBBED REALLY WELL.
To The Pub
Stellas ordered, man of the match and dick of the day were voted for with Anal Ferret Preston getting a resounding man of the match award and the Dick of the Day was awarded to Dell Length Clifton soon to be UTT2. One pint turned into 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 pints with Alistair UTT Taylor suffering a puncture and then getting grief because the puncture was his fault apparently… Its tough being Under the Thumb…With Spal making up excuses in why he didn’t score with a great quote of “just wasn't the game for me today” we were all having fun and lapping up our victory. I believe that was a SubwellDUNN.
MD
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