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Dumpsters Part
Troix FC |
0-6 |
Team Starbucks |
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Sunday's the day and
the usual hangovers are in abundance, the bank holiday is upon us
meaning we are several members short. Dell Length Clifton was
honeymooning in Wales, Onions UTT Taylor was doing his usual
disappearing act, Richard Fraggle Rock was cheating on us with a bunch
of tangerines at Wembley and with Allergies cavorting in Scotland, the
team were down to the last five players on the team sheet. With an hour
to kickoff Sykes was contemplating spending the rest of the day in bed,
Ferret Anal Bead was fast asleep whilst trying to wrestle off being
drunk / hung-over, with Spaaaaaal being in a similar situation.
Courageous Felix The Pussy Baker was leading by example and was on his
fourth beer of the day, whilst Schoolnight was beginning to panic (for a
change). The dumpsters have been in better situations (not by much
though)
We needed a win but we were pinning all hopes on the teams below us to
do worse… a safer bet. With SYKES taxi-ing to the game in style, the
rest of the convoy minus Ferret’s stomach (which he lost on the walk to
bus stop) travelled on late arriving team bus once again.
Note: Due to weeks of verbal crowd abuse Felix Pussy Baker resorted to
wearing a coat this week to avoid heckles and didn’t take it off the
rest of the night.
First Half
With about 2 minutes of shooting practice, Spaaaaaaal took on
the gruelling task of tying his laces and because of this adventurous
task endeavoured, the game kicked off without him - 5 minutes later he
trots onto the pitch to assume the task of a quiet striker, for the
second week in a row!!!
With concerns that the 2-1-1 formation was faltering, the majority of
the half was spent in the Dumpsters half. With some bloody hard work by
all we managed to keep a clean for at least the first quarter of the
match even with the two close range free-kicks that the Pussy gave away.
With Tim Anal Bead Ferret and Schoolnight chasing the ‘whipper-snapper’
strikers all over the pitch and with Sykes and Spal gladiating with the
Starbucks defence energy levels were falling…. Then the inevitable
happened – the Dumpsters left a man unmarked with enough room for him to
launch a rocket past the Pussy. With an empty subs-bench subbing well
wasn’t even an option!!!!!! Then out of no-where Martin Allergies
Dibbles jogs onto the sidelines ready to take the Dumpsters to a win and
then witnesses Felix The Pussy Baker admiring a fine free-kick in the
middle of the pitch (which got clogged up in the defence) and the ball
was long passed into the Dumpsters empty net – JESUS, Half time 2-0
Second Half
2-0 down and with Allergies’ fresh legs on the pitch
confidence was marginally higher, and with some strong tackles from
Schoolnight and Ferret, some good subbing by Spal, some silky skills
from Sykes, some great saves by the Pussy, the team were playing well,
but with some dubious shots going high and nowhere near the goal and
some interesting keeping decisions we somehow conceded four more goals
taking a 6-0 hit, The Dumpsters first game without a goal.
Stand-In Managers Review
"A fitter/sober team would have given Starbucks more of a run but at
least we managed to stop them from winning the league, by not conceding
seven. "
To The Pub
With some members crying off home to get changed – Spal, Pussy and
Schoolnight lead the forefront to a text-book bank holiday drinking
session and with a woman – man ratio of 5:1 and pints of Stella costing
£1.85 what could go wrong....
JD |
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