11

 Alistair Taylor
aka UTT, Onions
Scored a magnificent hat-trick that and inspired the team with his incisive attacking play.
 
 
  8 Felix Baker
aka Pussy
Awarded to Pussy for the second week in a row despite a brace of goals. Two glaring misses in 30 seconds secured the award for the Pigeon-Momma-Lover, leaving him on course for another Dick of the Season award.
 
 
    Overall Star Rating:    5/5
 
 
 

#

 Name Goals Cards
3 Alex 'Spal' Sutton  
4 Tim 'Ferret' Preston  
5 Richard 'Fraggle' Cragg  
7 John 'School-Night' Dunn    
8 Felix 'Pussy' Baker  
9 Martin 'Allergies' Dibble    
11 Alistair 'UTT' Taylor  
 
 
 
Dumpsters Part Troix FC

11-3

 Shaftesbury AFC
Tim 'Ferret' Preston 3  
Alistair 'UTT' Taylor 3    
Alex 'Spal'Sutton 2    
Felix 'Pussy' Baker 2    
Richard 'Fraggle' Cragg    
 
   
   
 
  Before I start the match report I thought I would make a few mentions of lasts weeks top performer Felix 'Pussy' Baker. Pussy was inspirational in getting Dumpsters a 3-0 defeat by getting the kick off time completely wrong. He later explained that his Mum, aka the Pigeon Lady, was on TV at 5 in a replay of the classic Home Alone, he just couldn’t miss it. He was later sacked.

With the only absentee being Dell 'The Length' Clifton, a strong dumpsters side travelled to wandsworth with high hopes and optimism after a training session on Thursday night. Furthermore, John 'School-Night-Sub-Well-Back-Heel-Flicker' Dunn was practicing some ball control on the common before kick off, with clear visions of nothing other than a victory in his mind. Obviously Chelsea Youth must have seen all this and got scared as they didn’t turn up and 3 points were awarded to The Dumpsters. However we think Felix Pussy baker told them the wrong time!!

Fortunately we didn’t have to get straight back in the car as a friendly against Premier League side Shaftsbury AFC was hastily arranged.

First Half
With a structure in place, with people knowing their positions and some very good subbing, The Dumpsters looked a different side. Although as per usual we went 1-0 down. We were soon level with a great strike from Alistair 'Loves His Onions' Taylor, but being level didn’t last long as we soon found ourselves 2-1 behind.

The Dumpsters then scored a very good pass and move goal with Alex 'Spal' Sutton finishing it off. Something from the training ground that one. They then took a lucky lead, but this proved to be their last goal of the game as the team ran riot, first through Felix 'Pussy' Baker, then via a couple of outstanding long range strikes from Tim 'Loves Anal Beeds Ferret' Preston. 5-3 to The Dumpsters at half time.

Second Half
The second half started in similar fashion, but the game ended in style with Alex Spal Sutton making it 6-3, ferret making it 7-3, then UTT with a couple made it 9-3 as Shaftesbury crumbled. Richard 'Fraggle-Engaged-100-Times' Cragg then made it 10-3 before Felix 'Pussy' Baker rounded things off, leaving the final score a resounding 11-3 to The Dumpsters.

Sacked Managers Review
"I thought we passed and moved brilliantly, subbed magnificently well and most of all played as a team."
  
To The Pub
Dixies, cheep Stella, Dick of the Day awarded to Felix 'Pussy' Baker for some outstanding misses, not only once but twice in 30 seconds and Man of the Match awarded to Alistair 'Loves His Onions' Taylor. Two Dick of the Days in succession means Felix Pussy Baker is in line for his second Dick of the Season award.
MD