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Dumpsters Part Troix FC |
4-6 |
Team Starbucks |
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Dan 'The Length' Clifton |
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Felix 'Pussy' Baker |
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Alex 'Spal' Sutton |
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Martin 'Allergies' Dibble |
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For the first time in
weeks the Dumpsters had a fairly large squad to choose from, with only
overseas player Alistair 'UTT-Onions' Taylor missing, due to yet another
marathon motorway weekend. The new season seemed to have given the team
renewed enthusiasm, and everyone headed into the new campaign in buoyant
mood. The apparently injured John 'School-Night' Dunn volunteered for
goalkeeping duties, with Tim 'Ferret' Preston and no-goals goal-scorer
Richard 'Fraggle' Cragg on the bench.
First Half
The game started in the usual frantic fashion, and the
early minutes were hard fought, with neither side giving much away.
However, after ten minutes the Dumpsters were behind as usual, a
Starbucks midfielder bundling his way past Pussy on the left and firing
past School-Night. The lead was quickly doubled, as School-Night was
beaten again. However, the Dumpsters refused to cave, and with five
minutes left in the first half, mounted a comeback. Martin 'Allergies'
Dibble spotted the unmarked Dan 'The Length' Clifton and found him
expertly with his thrown-in, before The Length fired low into the bottom
left corner to open the Dumpsters account for the season. A second
quickly followed, as Pussy beat two Starbucks players down the left hand
side and coolly slotted past the excellent goalkeeper, leaving the half
time score at 2-2
Second Half
Allergies tried to rally his troops at half time, and was confident
of victory if we could keep it tight at the back and exploit the holes
in the Starbucks defence. The second half started in much the
same fashion as first ended, and Spal soon put the Dumpsters ahead with
a hotly disputed goal, going in for a rebound and punching the ball
home. In scenes reminiscent of the 1986 World Cup, the opposition
players were livid, but the Dumpsters led thanks to 'The Hand of Paula'.
It was all too good to be true though, and as the half wore on the usual
fitness concerns came to the fore. Four goals were conceded in double
quick time, with some Dumpsters players finding fault with the skills of
keeper School-Night, although the tracking back left a lot to be desired
as the team tried to force their way back into the game. Allergies
fought bravely to get a goal back, but it was all in vain as numerous
chances were spurned and the game slipped away. Final score, 6-4.
Sacked Managers Review
"First game of a new season, same old story - Dumpsters lose. However, I must look at the
positives: we showed great commitment and concentration until the last 5 minutes. We must turn up in
the same frame of mind next week but concentrate for the whole game."
To The Pub
Only 3 Dumpsters made it to the pub, after manager Martin 'Allergies'
Dibble stormed off in the team coach, leaving only The Length, Pussy and
Schoolnight, as well as a Dumpsters Groupie to head to Dixies. Renowned
alcoholic Pussy initially refused a pint but eventually caved before
revealing some intimate details of his private life, which are sure to
keep the tabloids in business for months. After informing everyone that
it was impossible to get [****CENSORED - CONTACT MR F.R. BAKER FOR
FURTHER DETAILS****]. All delightful stuff, but with no other team members to
vote on Dick of the Day and Man of the Match, the remaining Dumpsters
headed home after a leisurely few.
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