5

 Richard Cragg
aka Fraggle
Scored two cracking goals in an astonishing reversal of fortunes for the one time striker who made a habit of not scoring goals.
 
 
  6 Dan Clifton
aka The Length
Fell over on the bus to the ground and conceded a top notch own goal which left The Dumpsters hanging on in the final stages.
 
 
    Overall Star Rating:    5/5
 
 
 

#

 Name Goals Cards
5 Richard 'Fraggle' Cragg  
6 Dan 'The Length' Clifton    
7 John 'School-Night' Dunn    
8 Felix 'Pussy' Baker  
9 Martin 'Allergies' Dibble    
11 Alistair 'UTT' Taylor  
 
 
 
Dumpsters Part Troix FC

7-5

 Non-Sensible Soccer
Felix 'Pussy' Baker 3  
Richard 'Fraggle' Cragg 2  
Alistair 'UTT' Taylor 2  
 
   
   
 
  With Allergies stuck in traffic, UTT on route, and School-Night & Pussy running, Length and Fraggle were left to travel on the big red bus alone, where I understand Length got his first nomination for DotD with a typically clumsy stumble where he nearly fell down the bus stairs. Therefore instead of kicking The Dumpsters to victory he could have been nursing a broken schlong, which I’m sure his wag aka Gemma would not be happy with. This left us with a squad of 6.

Notable absentees were ‘No morals SPAL’ who was on school holidays to Lancaster, and after a night of vomiting in his pants and all over the floor Ferret lived up to his nickname of ‘Anal Beads’ by choosing to visit EROTICA - a dildo, anal bead, gay bashing festival, over the Dumpsters. There something you want to tell us mate?

First Half
Allergies was feeling the hangover, or should I say cramp from his 11-a-side victory on Saturday and opted to go in net for the first half with Length and Fraggle at the back, Fe in midfield and Tay up top with the obvious best subber in the country, John ‘Sub-Well’ Dunn on the bench. The game started and we soon found ourselves 1-0 up with an acute angle drive from the right side of the pitch from Pussy that some how found its way in. The lead didn’t last long due to NO closing down on John’s black (tight tee-shirt) cousin which led to them equalising and then going in the lead passed a furious Allergies. However we battled on, competed and we duly found ourselves level with a good team goal which ended with Tay UTT finishing the move off.

Second Half
After some fine goalkeeping from myself I decided that I would stay in goal, and after a half-time team talk of "we’re playing well, keep it up and make sure we CLOSE DOWN players shots", what happens? No closing down and we’re 3-2 down despite Allergies’ diving effort. Finally the dumpsters learnt from their mistakes and what happened next was UNBELIEVABLE, a Dumpsters onslaught that started with an awkward through ball to Pussy that he controlled excellently on his chest and volleyed home to make it 3-3. We were soon 4-3 up with Pussy’s hat-trick goal and the reason I said UNBELIEVABLE is because FRAGGLE AKA ‘Striker that doesn’t score goals’ SCORED two in quick succession to make it 6-3. Then Allergies came into his own by making some cat-like saves and after the game his phone was ringing of the hook on Monday with interest from The Premiership. We soon found ourselves 7-3 up with a well taken goal from UTT going round the goalkeeper. However, a late spurt from the opposition brought it back to 7-4 and then 7-5 thanks to Lengths OWN GOAL into the top corner which gave The Length his second nomination for DotD.

To The Pub
A quick stop off at Dixies for a couple of leisurely beers where Fraggle was awarded Man of the Match for his rare brace of goals, and The Length received Dick of the Day for falling over on the bus and scoring a spectacular own goal.