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Alex Sutton

Any Ideas?

aka Spal, Waaarrrrppp

Alex 'Spal' Sutton brings a tough and uncompromising attitude to the Dumpsters. Well known for his stupendous boxing prowess and inability to stand down from confrontation, 'Rocky' is more than likely to see a few red cards throughout the course of the season. After starting out as a Roy Keane-esque midfielder, two goals in his first two games and a crippling lack of fitness saw him moved into a striking role. Spal also brings a hooligan element to the Dumpsters supporters, with his numerous Scally girlfriends regularly seen on the sidelines with their gangs of chavvy mates, shouting, swearing and brawling with opposition fans and players alike.

Tim Preston

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aka Ferret, Anal Bead, Anal Raider

In true football terms, Anal Bead is an asset to the Dumpsters for his continuous badgering to players to maintain rotation by shouts of "If you're knackered, then f***ing sub off". A forward and uncompromising approach but it's maybe what the team needs. On the pitch, he has taken more of a Rooney role by running around the pitch to wherever he pleases chasing the ball. With his big belly this approach means Anal is tired within minutes. Although he has taken a similarity to Rooney in positioning he is most likened to the footballing ability of Regi Blinker.

Richard Cragg

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aka Fraggle

Richard is from the seaside resort of Blackpool where he was released in 2003 to enter into the 20th century. He is a glory Everton fan and is only supporting Blackpool this season because they are doing well. He has been engaged to be married more times than Diego Maradona doing crack. He was brought into the side to bring some much needed fire power to the dumpsters with his record none in one we're shaw to have a true Ade Akinbiyi in store.

Dan Clifton

aka The Length, Del

Del 'Hack-Hack' Clifton burst onto the Dumpsters scene with 2 belting goals on his debut! Surely he can’t keep this form up?! Probably not. A giant individual, with thighs the size of an average man, he will be required to put his (considerable) weight around the field in order to terrify the opposition into submission. With a solid footballing background (despite not playing for a good few years), 'Tight Pants' could be the lynchpin of a successful Dumpsters team. One major stumbling block, however, could be his excessive binge drinking, which occurs every Saturday night without fail. If we are to see the best of 'Fisty' he will need to be restrained by his fellow team members from downing too much whisky, vodka, brandy etc etc in the early hours of Sunday mornings. A Mighty Spurs supporter, “Hack” is a flair player with a style reminiscent of Hoddle and Gascoigne at their peak. Destined to be a Dumpsters legend.

John Dunn

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aka School-Night

John is the northern man mountain of the dumpsters, with ‘Guns’ the size of an average mans thighs, the stamina of a Gazelle, and the touch of a rapist, he is more accustomed to egg chasing than football. Yet recent performances have proved he is more than capable of scoring at crucial times with experienced opposition, most noticeably in the bars and clubs of South London. Keep your eyes out for this man, destined to be a star performer this season.

Felix Baker

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aka Pussy, The Cat

Martin Dibble

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aka Allergies

Dibbs is a co-founder of the 'Dumpsters' and one-time team manager. He has a cool head (f**k off you c**t!) and is an amazing tactician (after things have gone wrong). His attributes as a defender include, cuddling, caressing and probing of the oppositions pork balls. He is an avid supporter of Liverpool Football club and has been a life long season ticket holder from his base camp in Sussex. Unfortunately due to his 'allergies' he has been unable to attend a game for over 10 years and his season ticket has gone to waste. His scoring record is impeccable and fitness sublime, aided and abetted by his beloved pork balls. He is a lover not a fighter, as could be seen during the dumpsters 3rd game of the season. After humping the striker and caressing his pork balls dibs was turned down and proceed to walk off in tears before turning and screaming at the one and only Cesc Fabregas "f*ck off you c*nt".

Alistair Taylor

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aka UTT, Onions

Taylor adds the international element to the team and is soon to be engaged. Although once the force was strong in him he got drawn to the dark side and Dumpsters is his last strangle hold on reality. As fatherhood is on the horizon and he is partial to a few takeaways (3-4 Dominos a week) he is hoping that the exercise will turn him to an athletic young dad.