The Dumpsters continued their unbelievable start to the season with yet another victory, this time against old rivals Chelsea Youth. The performance didn't quite live up to the high standards of the previous weeks, but doubles from Alex 'Spal' Sutton and Martin 'Allergies' Dibble were enough to grind out a result.

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The Dumpsters moved two points clear at the top of The Championship as they kept up their 100% start to the season with a crushing victory over Clapham Hotspur. With only three regular first-teamers available, two ringers were drafted in for the day and proved their worth, new-comer Ben netting four goals, a feat matched by leading scorer Felix 'Pussy' Baker as the team put on an attacking master class that will leave their league rivals quaking in their boots. A special mention should also be given to Alistair 'UTT' Taylor, whose second half goalkeeping display earned him the Man of the Match award.

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The Dumpsters showed the new opposition what The Championship was all about on Sunday as they produced a dazzling second half display to dismantle their opponents and plant themselves firmly at the top of the league. The match was evenly poised at 2-2 at halftime but a 5 goal scoring spree effectively settled the game and got the side off to the perfect start in Season 5. A fine hat-trick from Pussy, a neat brace from UTT and two rare goals from Fraggle wrapped it up for The Dumpsters.

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The Dumpsters missed numerous chances on their way to a narrow 5-4 defeat against one-time whipping boys Clapham Hotspur on Sunday, a result that leaves them bottom of the division, and bottom of the whole Pitch Invasion league system - a harsh reflection on the team's outstanding abilities, and testament to the players abject failure when it comes to getting results.

The Dumpsters failed to capitalise on their relative dominance on Sunday as they were held to a draw by the battling Groin Hammer. Luck wasn't on the side of The Dumpsters as a hat-full of chances went begging, with record goal scorer Felix 'Pussy' Baker denied by a mixture of woodwork and excellent goalkeeping, and numerous other chances failed to be converted.

The Dumpsters came back from 3-1 down at half time to snatch a point from Chelsea Youth after a 3-3 draw. Some sloppy first half play had left the team looking in trouble, but a dogged second half display and a return to poaching form for Alex 'Spal' Sutton were enough to get them back into it and help stave off defeat.

The Dumpsters romped to a thumping 8-2 victory over Clapham Hotspur on Sunday, claiming their first three points of the season, and moving up to third in the league. Goals from Pussy (3), Spal (2), Allergies (2) and UTT (1) saw them overcome the lacklustre opposition with ease, as their Championship campaign finally kicked into gear.

The Dumpsters were defeated by Team Starbucks in their Championship season opener yesterday, despite a solid performance which saw them come back from 2-0 down to 3-2 up at one stage, before they threw it all away with minutes to go. The result leaves the team second bottom of the league, but the improved organisation and commitment should give manager Martin 'Allergies' Dibble hope for the remainder of the campaign.

Reserve team player Dan 'Psycho' Sykes has had his contract terminated by mutual consent. Sykes had made just three appearances for the Dumpsters before falling out of favour with manager Martin 'Allergies' Dibble. We wish him all the best in the future. In other news, The Dumpsters' fourth season in the Pitch Invasion leagues kicks off tomorrow after the side retained their Championship status in season 3. This season sees some rearranging in the league with several teams dropping out to leave two divisions of six teams. This means an extended season for The Dumpsters, up from 7 to 10 matches. With a chronic lack of fitness riddling the squad, burnout is sure to be a major factor in the team's inevitable lowly finish.

After a weeks break the Dumpsters returned to action against fellow promotion-chasers South West Rangers, although motivation to win was low, with the whole side desperate to avoid a victory that would make promotion a genuine possibility. Victory was never a realistic option though, as the Dumpsters slid to another defeat, despite a greatly improved performance.

The Dumpsters climbed further up the table on Sunday despite a skeleton squad. With most of the team away getting destroyed at V Festival, a whole raft of ringers from local rivals the Southfields Sausage-Eaters were drafted in with devastating effect. A hat-trick from David 'Ticknerd' Tickner led the Dumpsters to a 4-3 victory over 1290, putting the team level on points with 2nd place South West Rangers and firmly back in the hunt for promotion.

The Dumpsters restored their mid-table position after picking up 3 points on Sunday due to a no-show from bottom of the table Chelsea Youth, as well as earning a morale-boosting friendly victory over Premiership side Shaftesbury AFC. A hatful of goals from the team banished the recent memories of the devastatingly poor performances of the previous few weeks, and gave the team a much needed boost ahead of the end-of-season run-in.

The Dumpsters fell to their first championship defeat on Sunday after a truly shocking performance against a distinctly average Kyriazis FC. The boys never got going and a lack of pace, movement, skill and defending proved their downfall. 4-0 down at half time, things only got worse in the second half, the only relief being an own goal by the opposition on the way to a 9-1 trouncing.

The Dumpsters were convincingly beaten yet again on Sunday, this time falling to a 6-2 defeat at the hands of one-time victims Wolseley Boys. This defeat left them 6 points adrift of safety with just one game remaining and consigned them to a well deserved relegation, after claiming just 1 point from a possible 18 this season. Things weren't helped by a severe lack of players or the searing temperatures, but things will surely have to improve next season if they are to survive life in The Championship.

The Dumpsters website has broken away from AwfulMan.com and relaunched in it's own right. The site's been slightly reorganised and expanded and now features a seperate sections for Players (featuring look-a-likes and youth team photos), Tours, Fans and a full match report archive. There's also an RSS Feed so you can get the latest updates from the site as soon as they arrive.

An angry mob descended on the Dumpsters Head Office this morning after manager Martin ‘Allergies’ Dibble announced that he would be taking a months leave of absence with immediate effect. Rumours abound that the stress of battling to maintain the ailing sides premiership status has become too much for him, and few were surprised at his decision to step back from his day-to-day duties. The timing however has incensed fans who gathered on Clapham Common Westside to make their feelings known. Ugly scenes left neighbouring residents bemused, as Dumpsters shirts and effigies of the under-fire Dibble were burned in the streets. One fan, Tony Ubar, could barely contain his rage: “This is an absolute disgrace!” he blurted. “I’m absolutely sick of it. Last weekend we could barely field a side, it’s bad enough having to borrow players from other teams and losing by 10 goals, but being abandoned by the manager really is the final straw!”

The protests at Dumpsters Head Office quickly spiralled out of control, as a small group of pro-Dibble supporters arrived to make their voices heard, led by ringleader Susan Dibble. Eventually riot police were brought in to control the crowds and bring the mayhem under control. By this time a media circus had descended on the office, but Dumpsters spokesman Alex ‘Spal’ Sutton was seemingly unavailable for comment. However, a small cat known as Poppy was present and she expressed her surprise at the situation. “This is totally ridiculous” she meowed. “I’ve known Martin for some years and I have to say that in my opinion this whole situation is turning into a character assassination. As far as I’m aware he’s not even the manager any more, I was under the impression that Felix Baker had taken charge.” As the lone voice of support for Dibble, her motives were always going to be under scrutiny, and her credibility was later undermined when it was revealed that Mr Dibble has been helping to fund her court battle to fend off shoplifting allegations from earlier this year. She was arrested in March after allegedly being spotted walking out of Tescos with a can of Wiskas in her pocket.

Others crowd members had scathing words for Dibble. Mervin-Neil Sloshmonger, head of the Independent Dumpsters Supporters Federation released a statement on behalf of the organization condemning the manager’s behaviour, and he later commented: “The fact that a club of the size and stature of The Dumpsters is in this situation saddens me deeply, and at the moment I really can’t see a way out of it. The conduct of some of the players off the pitch really isn’t helping things either” he said, referring to tabloid allegations that emerged over the weekend surrounding the Dumpsters current form player Felix ‘Pussy’ Baker. The News of the World carried a front page kiss-and-tell story from a young woman who alleged that Mr Baker had tried to lure her to a Shakespearian themed sex dungeon in central London. In the article she claimed that the pair had met in a Clapham nightclub, but later Baker had forced her to strip naked whilst he dressed himself in full 16th century attire and recited Sonnets to her. She wept as she told reporters “It was awful, I’m quite a fan of Shakespeare, but as soon as I told him I owned the Complete Works, that was it, he just turned into an animal”. Baker has so far refused to comment on the claims.

Things are looking bleak at Dumpsters FC, but recently there has been plenty of media speculation regarding a foreign takeover of the club. Several high profile American businessmen have been linked with the club, and after Thierry Henry’s move to Barcelona, Samuel Eto’o has been linked with a multi-million pound move to South London. Mr Sloshmonger moved to quickly to scotch these rumours: “Any move for Eto’o would be a waste of time, we already have the world’s most potent strike force in the form of Onions and Spal and I really don’t see how the signing of Eto’o would benefit the team. I think it’s important that the managerial situation is sorted out first as the number one priority. Felix Baker was my prime candidate but I’ve heard he’s unable to make decisions, and after last weekends scandal I’m no longer sure he’s the man for the job.”

In Dibble’s absence the uncertainty at the club looks set to continue, and with just three games remaining this season, one thing is certain - unless results improve rapidly the Dumpsters will soon be adjusting to life in the championship, whether they like it or not.

An under-strength Dumpsters side were blown away by Digital Rinse for the second time on Sunday in a horribly one-sided capitulation which left the team struggling to retain their Premiership status. Things were so bad that players had to be loaned from rival sides just to make up the numbers. The way things are going, relegation will be a blessed relief for the Dumpsters, whos horrifc season is beginning to become an embarrassment.

Perennial 'Dick Of The Day' Felix 'The Pussy' Baker went from zero to hero on Sunday as his brace lead the Dumpsters to a magnificent draw against old foes Waitrose Wanderers. 2-0 down at half time, and showing no signs of scoring, things looked bleak for the boys. And despite going a further goal down shortly after the break, a change of keeper and some inspired forward play from the Cat and UTT 'Onion' Taylor saved the day for The Dumpsters and secured a vital point, which may not be enough to get them off the bottom, but might just give the team the kick up the backside it needed.

The Dumpsters lost once again on Sunday after a heavy all-day session took it's toll in the second half of their game against Frankie's Italian Bar & Grill. After an even first half in which the Dumpsters held the lead, the appalling physical condition of the entire team became obvious and the opposition took full advantage to turn things around and leave the team firmly rooted to the bottom of the table.

The Dumpsters started their second Premiership season much as they started the first, after slumping to a 6-2 defeat at the hands of double champions SA Warriors. The team made a solid start and were still level at 0-0 midway through the first half, but they soon slumped to 5-1 at half time as they struggled to match the pace of the africans, and failed to finish their chances. The second half was a fairly even affair, with Richard 'Fraggle' Cragg pulling off some top class saves to keep the score respectable and win himself the Man Of The Match award. The Dumpsters already find themselves rooted to the bottom of the table, and they'll need to get the campaign up and running next week with a win against Frankie's Italian Bar & Grill.

The Dumpsters head into a second successive Premiership campaign this Sunday after last week's dramatic final day survival. They face newly promoted SA Warriors in their opening game, and they're sure to provide a tough test after winning the title in their previous two seasons. The Dumpsters will be looking to start this campaign in a positive fashion and avoid the relegation shenanigans of last term.

The Dumpsters claimed their first points of the season after Brinkley's Restaurant failed to show up for Sundays crunch relegation six-pointer, no doubt due the fearsome reputation the Dumpsters have earned over the previous few weeks. The night before the game saw a major managerial resuffle after an Extraordinary General Meeting of the Dumpsters board at The Falcon in Clapham North. Outgoing manager Martin Dibble's lack of tactical nous and faltering health drew criticism from all quarters and it eventually became clear that his position was untenable. After offering his resignation, fellow injury victim Felix Baker was handed the reigns. However, neither past nor present manager could be bothered to actually attend the game the following day, despite promises of patrolling the touch line in full managerial suit and tie. It fell to the remaining Dumpsters players to organise themselves, and a hastily arranged friendly against Los Cabritos was the perfect opportunity to test a new 2-1-1 tactical system. The change of style bore fruit immediately as the Dumpsters raced into a four goal lead and this time managed to hang on to it, running out 7-5 winners. The vital three points earned today move the Dumpsters off the bottom of the table, but this will have to continue if they are to avoid the drop.

The Dumpsters season went from bad to worse yesterday as they slumped to their third defeat in four matches. They still remain winless after a 12-6 trouncing from Digital Rinse, despite being 4-0 up in the early stages of the game, and holding a lead at half time. The turning point came when a bus load of Premiership youth players arrived at half time and the opposition  proceeded to run rings round the Dumpsters for the next 18 minutes, eventually running out 12-6 winners.

Dumpsters coach Martin Dibble managed to cling onto his post for one more week after the Dumpsters managed to avoid a third consecutive defeat against Waitrose Wanderers. A controversially disallowed goal was the difference between the two sides at the final whistle but the lack of match officials meant the Dumpsters were able to claim a draw, no doubt prompting a furious  response from the opposing team prior to next weeks fixtures.

Dumpsters coach Martin Dibble faced a dressing room rebellion as the Dumpsters dreadful start to the season continued. After being unanimously awarded 'Dick Of The Day' by his own players following the defeat to Frankies Italian Bar & Grill, Dumpsters supremo Dibble ordered extra training for his players to try and kick start the team's season and give them a realistic chance of Premiership survival. A new tactical approach is apparently in the offing for the crucial game against Waitrose Wanderers, and the manager better hope it bears fruit if he wants to hang on to his job.

The Dumpsters 2007 campaign initially got off to a promising start on Sunday but a second half collapse left them lying second from bottom of the league. After going in at half time level at 3-3, a disastrous spell which saw 3 goals conceded in little over a minute. There was no coming back from that as the teams complete lack of preparation and generally abysmal fitness levels saw them fade away in the final 10 minutes.

The third instalment of the Dumpsters saga gets underway in Wandsworth today as the Dumpsters line up against Los Cabritos, who managed a highly respectable third place finish in last seasons Pitch Invasion Premiership. Their efforts may be severely hampered by a total lack of preparation, organisation and in some cases fitness, and there was a further blow this week as Felix 'The Cat' Baker was ruled out with a poorly timed birthday celebration and Alistair 'Thumbmaster' Taylor got a severe case of the shits. However, other than that, team manager Martin Dibble has a full squad to choose from in his fruitless bid to stave off relegation to the championship.